Eric had spent all night trying to convince me that it was going to be great, and not wanting to disappoint, I obliged.
I was nervous, anxious, and no preparation has been undertaken before he (we’ll call him Eric*) decided he was going to dive right in. I had never ever experienced anything like that before – and nothing could prepare me for what was to come. Unfortunately, they seemed more concerned with how good it felt for them, rather than how comfortable I was. Now, when you are a hormonal, shy and unconfident person such as myself (at least back then, anyway) – the thought that someone would actually want to have sex with me was enough for me to completely drop my guard and say OK! When I was 16, and just coming to terms with my sexuality, I spent a lot of time looking at porn (as any healthy teenager would) – and whilst watching these videos, and seeing the way some of the guys reacted to taking a cock up the bum, I decided I definitely wanted to be the giver, rather than the receiver.Īnd then one day, just before I turned 18, I had been seeing someone for a few weeks, and they decided they wanted to ‘go all the way’. But it doesn’t have to be that way, at all. Others see as it as the ultimate act of trust, love and closeness.For me, it was always something to be terrified of.